Remember how I talked about how things sometimes run in threes? Well, it seems that blogging does not lay outside the bounds of that curse. Last night I tried to write the very post you are reading. I’ll admit that I was stupid. There was a big storm outside.  It was lightening and thundering like mad, but I was determined to get something posted even if it meant ruining the chance of having my pretty, purple computer electrocuted.(Yes, my computer really is purple. Thanks, Phil.)

Like I said, I was being stupid. My first attempt was cut short when, surprise, the power went out. My house was swallowed by darkness. When the power came back on 3 seconds later, it didn’t matter. My computer had shut off and all my work had been lost. That should have been when I decided to postpone my entry, but I tried again. Stupid me. On my second attempt, things appeared to me going smoothly. But just as I got to the bulk of my post, surprise, the power went out again. Another dose of darkness invaded my house. It was enough to make me scream. Once again my progress had been obliterated – tossed out the window. I can’t figure out why I hadn’t saved my progress. Stupidity it seems is never ending and does not run in threes. Shucks for me, I guess.

Round Three. I thought if I could just wait until the worst of the storm had passed, I could get my entry up and running. I waited 10 minutes. No power outage. Not even a flicker. Everything seemed to be alright, so I attempted to try posting my blog just one last time. And things went really well, for about ten minutes. And then it happened.

Flash, boom, boom, power out.

Everything. Gone. Again. No lights. Nothing. Just pure, utter, creepy darkness. “DAMNIT!” I screamed. I could almost picture the storm rolling with laughter in the sky above my bedroom. It didn’t matter that the power came back on almost as soon as it had gone off. I was done. I was throwing in the towel. The storm had won. It was time to go to bed. And that is what I did. Right after I reset the blinking 12:00 on my alarm clock for the third flippin time.

Since my alarm clock went off at 6:30 the next morning like it was supposed to, it appears the power stayed on the rest of the night. Go figure.

But what I wanted to say before the ever beautiful summer storm had claimed its victory over my attempt to post a very simple blog was this . . . And I swear, if my power goes out again, I am going to beat the living crap out of the next thunder head I see and wrestle some lightening to the ground.

I just wanted to share some cool lyrics that expressed how I feel in a lot of ways. They come from Jewel’s new album – Goodbye Alice in Wonderland. You should check it you. It is a little different from her earlier stuff, but still good nonetheless.

And growing up is not the absence of dreaming
It’s being able to understand the difference between
The ones you can hold and the ones that you’ve been sold
Dreaming is a good thing
Cause it brings new things to life
Pretending is an ending
That perpetuates a lie
Forgetting what you are
Seeing for what you’ve been told

Truth is stranger than fiction
This is my chance to get it right
and life is much better
Without all of those pretty lies

It sank in a little more today that I am really going to China. In just 3 days 8 hours 11 minutes and 14 seconds(as of the

time this was typed) Phil and I will be leaving . . . sing a long with . . . “on a jet plane” . . . and there will be no turning back. There will be no passing go. No collecting $200. Only a 10 month contract of teaching English staring us in the face. And if we are really lucky, probably some of the most awesome adventures of our lives will shortly follow suit. I am really, really, hoping for the latter.

Thursday, August 24th, 2006 will probably be the longest day of my natural life. I am banking on the excitement factor to make the day seem shorter than it will. But 14.5 hours on a plane is 14.5 hours on a plane regardless of how excited you are. Someone seriously needs to invent the teleportation step or something. It would sure make traveling around the world a billion times easier. I would name my company “Particles in Motion” if I was the awesome person to invent it and my slogan would go something like – “Particles in Motion – Where you’re more than just a speck of flesh floating through the air – Happy Particling!” A billion dollar idea people, I promise.

But anyway, back to the whole – “Oh My God, I’m Going to China” bit.

Today a good time was had by all. Because when you feed people yummy goodness, people automatically become happy little gofers. The consumption of food makes your endorphins dance! And when you are happy – you smile. Here are some pictures full of lots of happy proof.

Those are my cousins, Aja and Cody. Smiles from ear to ear. And no, these are not alcoholic grins. Our farewell party was drier than a desert well. Phil and I will make up for it later, I’m sure. There will be lots of “bottoms up” in China. The word for that goes something like Gan Bei. I am such a light weight – the Chinese drinking habits are gonna kick my American booty.

The joy of food is dancing in their eyes. Can’t you see it? It is a lot more evident in Sharon’s eyes than in Christopher’s. At least now the mystery of Red Eye has been revealed to us. Red eyes must equal happy full stomachs. And we all know that cameras never, ever lie!

Mother, you will just have forgive me later for posting this picture. Don’t fret, you look fine. In fact, you look more than fine. Your immense happiness is radiating on the photograph behind you. You couldn’t hide it if you tried.

I know what you are thinking and it simply not true. My Granny was the happiest person at the dinner, she just couldn’t decide on a way to express it when I snapped this picture. My Aunt Bevy, though, her smile says it all.

These two fine folks are the sweetest people in the whole wide world. If you were to look up happiness in the dictionary, you would find their faces posted beside it. I am so very glad I got to see them before I left. Nancy and Jim are truly wonderful

Terence was so flippin happy, he received the Yellow Napkin of Happiness Achievement Award. Overwhelmed by this occurrence, he was unavailable for comment at the time this photo was taken. He said he would get back to me on his acceptance speech very, very soon.

And then there is us. We couldn’t be any happier about our decision to go to China to teach English. We are busting at the seams, even more so than everyone else. There are so many different emotions running through us right now, but that is only natural. And I am sure that soon we will feel right at home. I never thought I would call China home.

But on a more serious note: I will miss you all very much, even though we will be gone for just 10 months. It will be the first time that I have ever been this far from my family and friends for this long of a time. I wish that you all could come over for a visit, but since you can’t – I will be your eyes and ears.

My first attempt at getting this photo was a complete and utter failure. But because I cannot stand defeat(it eats me up inside), I more or less trained like a mad woman for 7 months. Of course, it did help that the working out coincided with my job. Next to boot camp, meter reading is probably the most grueling job a man or woman can have. I cannot express the pain that I endured during those long, often cold, hot, wet days. I had to walk 30 miles on many occasions, jump fences(big fences), and run from dogs that really wanted to eat me (and some times did) in all the weather that mother nature could conjure. In short, I would not suggest doing said job unless pain is one of your finest pleasures.

But anyway, back to the picture at hand. After seven months of dog bites, poison ivy, nails in the foot, and wasp stings that come to find out I am allergic to – I went back to the fearful mountains known to so many as Table Rock. I figured that if I couldn’t climb this beast now, I never would be able to. For those of you not familiar with the Table Rock trail – let me give you the low down. It’s about 4 miles up hill. It’s steep. It’s strenuous. And if you aren’t in reasonable good health, you probably won’t make it all the way up without having a heart attack or something like that. But if you do make it all the way to the tippy top, it’s a very beautiful sight to behold. The worst part of the climb is the steps. There are countless sections that forest rangers have turned into staircases. They consist of rocks, roots, and leveled off sections of ground. You actually have to put some effort into going from one step to the other because there is a large gap between each of the steps. (I imagine that is what the Great Wall is going to be like.) If you can make it through those, there are a few sections with slight inclines that allow you to prepare for the next set of what I like to call “high-steps”. Also, there are a few places that allow you to stop and rest and take in the scenery of the mountain side.

Some key advice on making it through: if on your way up Table Rock you start to have a hard time breathing or you begin to lose faith in your ability to reach the top – just take a 5 minute break, catch your breath, and try to picture the view that you will see when you finally reach the top. There are no roads that take you to the top for cheaters who want the reward but not the hard work. So either take it like a man(or a woman) or just dream about what could have been your accomplishment by looking at my photograph. It is worth every agonizing moment though, I promise.

Here is the video of Morgan that I promised. If you have ever had to travel somewhere for any period of time- even a week – and you have animals – I am sure that you can relate. No animal likes their Mommy or Daddy to leave them. If you listen closely, you can hear her growling at me. I was lucky to get away unscathed for she was a bit unhappy. I was tempted to close up the suitcase and see how far I could get her through airport security, but figured that that wouldn’t be such a great idea. I can just see her tearing the living crap out of a TSA agent. Enjoy the video.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlDZdEfSq4Q[/youtube]

I think my kitty(Morgan Rose Ireland Yvette DeWitter) knows that I am leaving for China in 7 days. She’s been laying in my lap a lot more and following me around the house. I can’t even go to the bathroom without her trying to bust in on me. She has even seemed a little sad lately – not really being herself. So, when I walked into my bedroom today, I was only half shocked to find her sitting in my suitcase. I think she was trying to figure out a way to hide herself in one of the side pockets. I wish that I could bring her with me, but I can’t. For one, I am not allowed because the school won’t let me and secondly, Phil won’t let me either. He is allergic. Or at least he says that he is.

I actually have video of me trying to get her out of my suitcase and I will post that as soon as I can. I think it is pretty funny, but I am a little biased. You’ll have to be the judge, I guess.

I stood next to my brother’s window and held the lens of my camera in between the slats of the blinds and waited. It wasn’t long until a female hummingbird flew down. My camouflage didn’t seem to work all that well, though, because she noticed me almost immediately and buzzed off in disgust. But I waited some more. It wasn’t long until either A) she came back or B) another female decided she was thirsty. Either way her action was the same as the first. She buzzed off. I was determined to get a picture of one eating, so I waited a little longer.

A good while later a male decided to come down and visit the feeder. He saw that I was there and was curious as to my reason for standing there but he didn’t seem to care all that much. He ate while hovering for a second or two and then decided to land. I am glad that he did, or I would have never been able to get the quality picture that I did. If you look, you can see that there are no little perches on the feeder. The hummingbird is clasping his tiny feet over the edge. And before I knew it, he too buzzed off. I must have taken 10 pictures of him sitting there, but only two turned out good enough for blog material. I guess I might have to buy a better camera for close ups like this one.

I have actually had the opportunity to feed hummingbirds by hand. Now that I think about it, I don’t know why I didn’t take a picture of them when I had the chance. But, anyways, when I volunteered at Carolina Wildlife Care last summer, people would sometimes bring in hurt or young hummingbirds along with all kinds of wildlife. . . ie squirrels, opossums, all kinds of birds, snakes, turtles and all sorts of other types of wild animals you can find in South Carolina. You don’t realize how small hummingbirds are until you hold one. They are probably my favorite bird. Although, Gnatcatchers are pretty cool too, but they don’t know how to fly backwards. Heh.

If I ever had any doubts at all about reincarnation, the picture of the Muscovy duck to your right has pushed them all aside. With a single glance, you may just have to agree with me. For those of you unaware of the resemblance, the Muscovy duck looks eerily like the villain from the movie Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Yes, I am sure you can see it now. Before you stands Darth Maul, the Duck.

I’ve heard it a thousand times, and I am sure some of you are thinking the same thing right now. Muscovy ducks must be the ugliest of the duck species. It is arguably the truest statement that I have ever heard. So how did these creatures come about? That’s a very good question because I can’t think why God would make these birds so scary looking. And if you think they look weird, you should hear them quack/hiss. That sound is enough to make the hairs on your back stand up. If I were to come up with a theory though, it would sound something like this . . .One night a drunk Turkey and a Goose under the influence of an illegal drug got their groove on. And the rest is history.

For those of you still scratching your heads about the resemblance between this poor creature and the villain Darth Maul – let me show you a picture.

It is a toss up. I am not sure which one scares me more.

Ah! You must forgive me. I got so caught up in Wal-Mart that I totally forgot to post this picture. I think it is one of the cooler things Roswell has to offer in the way of Alien propaganda. I don’t think anything I see in Roswell surprises me anymore. I bet you a real, honest to God Alien could go walking down the street and I wouldn’t even blink an eye. Maybe that is what they want . . . Creepy. I am almost taken aback that they haven’t built an Alien or UFO high school, but if you give them long enough, I wouldn’t put it past them.

Have you ever noticed that things, whether they are good or bad happen in threes. People die in threes. Especially famous people. Wishes, if granted by a sane genie, are of the three variety. Movies more and more these days seem to be made into trilogies. That the third time is a charm – whether it is getting a lighter lit, fixing something that is broken, or getting the car started in a very bad situation.

Three seemed to be the right number for these little candles that I found on my brother’s new coffee table. Very Martha Stewart-y.

I think they represent – See no Flame, Hear no Flame, and Speak no Flame.

What do you think?

A woman needs comments, people. So comment. Comment away.

And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Wal-Mart has taken this Alien Crash of 1947 a little far, I think. You can’t even go inside the doors without having an Alien jump out at you with the weekly sales circular clinched in his fist. I’m just kidding about that, but I bet you if I suggested the Wal-Mart greeter be an Alien, they would undoubtedly make it happen. Let’s glance at a few other pictures I took on my visit to the great Wally World.

That is just a close up of the last pictures, but in order to fully appreciate the art work, you have to get up close and personal to it. I wonder how long it will be before it begins to chip away and if they will continue to keep it looking nice or let it go. Since Aliens are the only reason anyone of a sound mind comes to Roswell, I imagine that they will keep it up for the sake of tourists. And I also wondered who got paid to paint Aliens all over Wal-Mart. What a great job.

The exit sign
picture is rather awful,
but I was walking by it and didn’t feel like stopping to line everything up. So, I’m lazy. Sue me.

I really believe that behind this wall mural of a mother ship is the remains of the UFO crash that occurred in 1947. I mean, who would really look behind a brick mural for clues. That only happens in movies, right? By saying that, I do not recommend that you go chisel away to find out whether my brilliant idea is true or not. I don’t want anyone going to jail on my account. I would simply never forgive myself or sleep well.

You know, after seeing all these paintings on Wal-Mart, I am a bit jealous. I mean, the only thing my Wal-Mart has written on it is – We Sell For Less, Deli, Produce and some other words that I never really pay attention to. Too bad nothing cool has happened in Columbia. I guess I could suggest a mural of me . . . I’m just kidding . . . really, I am. The bricks that make up Wal-Mart might all jump off and run away if that were to happen.